A member of a message board recently asked about boys and weapon play. It reminded me of the post on that topic I made a few years ago on my old More Jo blog:

Weapon Play

I was not going to allow pretend guns for my child. Never. Of course, when my first pregnancy test came up with 2 lines, I was still a raging feminist. Convinced, I was, that gender was nurture.

My (veteran of foreign war) (ex) DH humored me. We compromised. I told my DH that I would not “freak out” if my son wanted to make weapons out of sticks (as my DH assured me he would want to do). I also relented; I would not prohibit my son from playing with boys who wanted to use pretend weapons.

I was certain, though, and smug. With my unisex, gender neutral environment, my son would surely prefer making a diorama to raging war.

Then, at an (unenlightened) friend’s house, my son got his chubby little preschool hands on a pretend gun. And played with an edge that was palpable and weird and icky. In that moment, I knew I needed to either *completely* ban weapon play or *completely* allow it. The next day, I honored that mother’s voice. We went to Toys R Us and got our first pretend gun.

My son played with it exclusively for 2 days. And then it became a proportionately appropriate prop to help kill the deer, find the bad guy and process the heady subjects of power, control, war, peace, good and evil.

I watched that son (now 8), his friend (6) and my youngest (4.5) play with pretend weapons today. They played a wonderful, imaginative, creative and complex game in the backyard.

I’ve come to see weapon play (and guns are certainly not the only or even best way to provide it) as a *need*. I’ve come to see my uneasiness with it as both a gender, and adult, a controlling and a non issue. My son(s) do not bring to weapon play the baggage I do. And, they don’t emerge from weapon play with the attitude I feared (and felt certain) they would.

In my home, you’ll find a variety of toys that help my children move, think, play, dream and thrive.