Christian Resources

Here you will find some information geared to my Christian audience.

Those of you who do not embrace the label “Christian” will still find much pragmatic advice in this section.

To My Brothers and Sisters in Christ

This is written to assist, encourage and support my sisters and brothers in Christ. I have been working with and for the Christian community for more than 10 years. My time and focus has mostly been teaching hurting and struggling mothers how to be a manager of their home in ways that are grace-based, productive and joyful. Here I will encapsulate what I’ve learned in those years and present information to you that will assist you in being the Christian parents you feel lead to be.

In discussing Christian parenting, the topic of punishment and training comes up immediately. More specifically, the topic of spanking is overwhelmingly the first to be presented.

I do not wish to discuss the issue of spanking at length. It’s counter productive and obscures the real issue.

(Read more about that here.)

What I’d like to address and challenge and encourage you to look at is the culture vs. scripture that has developed over the years in Christian parenting.

In conservative Christian circles, spanking as discipline
has been given so much “weight” that its validity is rarely challenged. The truth is that spanking itself, the ritual man has imposed on it and the obsessiveness around it are not found in Holy Scripture.

The practical truth regarding scripture and spanking is that in order to believe that the Bible tells us to spank, you have to take the Bible literally and fundamentally. If you do that, you read in scripture that will need to beat an older child on the back with a stick. Which, thankfully and of course, no one recommends or interprets as God’s word. It’s at this juncture that many punitive minded Christian authors and leaders have themselves changed the “rod scriptures” to mean “spank”. These authors and leaders claim that spanking is the discipline tool offered by His Word.

I implore you to take a step back and think, prayerfully, about this. You cannot both take the “rod scriptures” literally and think they instruct us to spank.

If you are familiar with the parenting advice in most conservative Christian circles, see if you are able to take a step back and observe the staunch and automatic assumption that spanking is discipline, mandated and Biblical. Can you identify the near obsessive levels with which our community has approached the topic? There are books, seminars, sites and classes that are little more than explanations on how, how often and with what ritual you should spank your children. There are groups that gather to lobby congress making sure our “right” to spank our children is legally protected.

All this for a few obscure, often misquoted verses. How many readers are listening to the refrain in their mind “Spare the rod, spoil the child?” I’m guessing a significant percentage. I have some news. That phrase is not in the Bible. Not once and not in any translation. It’s often attributed to the Bible, but it’s not to be found there. It’s found in a poem written by Samuel Butler intended to mock the Puritans for their stringent and unforgiving parenting.

What, then, are we left with? It’s interesting to me (and telling) that when I suggest that spanking is not what’s suggested in the Bible, people assume that I advocate for no discipline. This is an indication of how spanking = discipline we have become in the Christian community.

In a debate over these issues on an internet homeschooling board, a mom once posted to me that due to her early training (read: spanking) of her children, she hasn’t had to discipline them in years. Her children were 9 and 6. Reading this saddened me. It was the epitome of what I see as very dangerous hyper focus on spanking at the expense of discipline. What the mom on the board really meant was that she has not spanked her children in years as a result of having spanked them often when they were younger.

I don’t spank my children, but I discipline them frequently. I believe that the “rod verses” offer Biblical wisdom for parents to be in authority over their children. That I accomplish by being an active, intentional and engaged parent using the ideas I developed.

On another homeschooling board, a mom once posted a discipline dilemma regarding her kids. I answered with specifics tailored to the issue she posted about. My answer offered proactive ways to prevent the issue, responsive ways to address the issue and several ideas on how to discipline her kids. I offered a link to my site. She thanked me and said that she didn’t want my ideas and would not be visiting my site as my ideas are “unbiblical”. I was at first upset, but soon I was aghast. There is nothing unbiblical about good, quality, intentional discipline. The fact that she dismissed my advice based solely on the absence of spanking represents the issues that concern me for many Christian families.

Most Christian advocates of spanking have a ritual and protocol they believe to “go along” with spanking. The ritual can sound “good”, including clear communication, prayer together before and after the spanking. They often have “rules” such as “never spank in anger”. Most authors do make “spanking exceptions” for parents who would be most at risk if they ventured into physical discipline.

I submit that none of this is Biblical. I’m not saying it’s unbiblical, just that it’s extra Biblical.

The hyper focus on spanking prevents good parenting.

Looked at from a less emotional standpoint, it’s odd. From a doctrinal standpoint, “spanking as parenting” has risen to the level of idolatry. From a practical standpoint, it’s incomplete. From a healthy family standpoint, it’s myopic and dangerous.