Time In - an Alternative to Time Out

“Time Out” has become an icon for parenting, care-giving and supervising children. Most homes, daycares, church nurseries and other established places for children have an area designated for the often-used Time Out.

Time Out is used for various “offenses.” In some homes and institutions, in fact, it’s used for most offenses. The standard protocol goes something like this: a child misbehaves, is removed from play and is required to sit in time out. The prevailing “rule of thumb” is one minute for each year of age.

Because Time Out was developed and is implemented as an alternative to spanking, it’s used primarily as a replacement punishment. Although Time Out is not the worst discipline tool ever developed, it’s certainly not the most effective. There are other, more beneficial discipline tools.

I’d like to offer reasons to consider reducing or eliminating the Time Out tool in your home:

(1) Time Out is typically thrown at a child in the absence of actual teaching. A child who seems to need a Time Out more likely needs some instruction, guidance, role playing or re-direction.

(2) Time Out usually involves isolation, causing a child to experience stress and discomfort. Isolation teaches nothing of value and does not impart knowledge or experience.

(3) Time Out is rarely related to the issue of concern, and a child is unable to relate the discipline to the event that precipitated it.

I’d like to suggest a completely different idea: Let’s do “Time In” instead.

The premise behind Time In considers both long- and short-term issues. It teaches a child how to nurture and care for themselves. In the short term, it’s a tool that can be suggested by the parent and used by the child daily.

Instead of a Time Out chair, the “Cuddle Corner” is a designated area in your home that is to be used for rejuvenation, reflection, lowering of intensity, regrouping and child-directed down time. It’s a place where comfort is available, and company, too, if requested.

A child isn’t sent to Time In, they are invited to go. Unlike Time Out, the child isn’t sent alone; he/she can have company. He doesn’t need to sit and wait; he can engage in comforting, soothing and appropriate play.

When we created our first Cuddle Corner, I talked to my (then) 2 kids and told them what we were doing. In simple terms, I explained that “we are making an area of our home, near everyone, where we can go when our behavior is less than acceptable. It’s a place for us to learn to make ourselves feel better so we can join the family again. It’s to be used by children and adults.” I had the kids gather some of their favorite stuffed animals, blankets and books. We put them near a special and comfortable chair in the family room, and then we sat in the Cuddle Corner and talked. I told them how we would be using these items and that I would be with them whenever they felt they needed me there.