Living Happily With Kids

Learning to live happily with kids is a skill that needs to be taught, learned and practiced. It’s not a natural skill to most people. When people meet me and discover I’m a former daycare owner, parenting/discipline teacher and homeschooling mom of my own and other kids they assume I’m a “kid person”. I’m not. Frankly, I prefer my own company or that of other adults. Kids often annoy, bore and irritate me.

But I made a few and God called me to be with them in a certain lifestyle and I honor His call to embrace that life the best I can.

So, I learned how to live happily with kids. And that means learning how to live with the mess, noise, neediness, chaos, activity, transitions and other issues that kids present.

Structure, predictability and routine are your friends. It gives younger kids confidence (and sets the tone for their best-able behavior). It creates good habits for older kids. It gives you a sense of accomplishment. Do many things in the same order each day (not necessarily tied to a clock, but in the same order). Let the routine be the discipliner. Use routines for getting ups, going to beds, hygiene, eating, chores and school.

Self care and marriage/relationship care - It is vital, absolutely vital that you nourish your own soul in a way that *works for you*. Whether that is a night out with Hubby or the girls or a night tucked in a corner of a used bookstore, pen the time in and do it!

Insist that kids do their part. When they are 2 and want to help, don’t send them away to play so you can get it done. Because when they are 8 and really *can* help, you will have trained them that Mom does the housework and they play.

Be playful with your kids. I didn’t say *play* with them (that’s torture for me). But playful. Be physically playful, playful with rituals. Playful with words. Joke. Tousle hair. Open up the front door and shout “Look, neighbors! I’m giving my 12 year old son a hug in public”. Take a 3 year old by the ankles and shake the grumpies out. Being playful creates a mood, fosters feelings of love.

Lighten up. Honestly. How many 16 year olds do you see in diapers, not reading, making fart sounds with their armpits, not sitting at the dinner table? We impose adult thinking and motive on children so young, so early, so inappropriately. They will learn the basic rules of society and etiquette (in any adequate home) whether we follow the punishment/discipline protocol of “X” book or guru, or not. Truly. You can spank them out of running into the street, redirect them out of it, or harness them out of it. And they will stop running into the street the moment they are developmentally ready regardless. Smile more at your kids. Make eye contact when they aren’t “in trouble” more often then when they are.

If a behavior seriously bothers you, stop it long before it ignites your trigger. Make sure you don’t have too many of those; if you have more than a few, you need additional help/support.

Know age expected behavior. I call it age expected rather than age-appropriate because it’s often not appropriate. But if we know many/most kids that age go through that stage, we are more able to discipline rather than over-punish.

Worry less about formal academics early on. My youngest is the furthest “along” for his age than my other 2 and I’ve done the least with him. Read to, cuddle with, engage with, talk to the littles. They WILL LEARN.

Rituals. Rituals bring joy and life and care and memories. We have lots of physical, eating, verbal and banter rituals that sustain us. Having those helped us get through many tough years, including the marriage that lead to a divorce.

Check yourself: Are you feeling joy elsewhere? To what degree? If so, why there and not at home? If not, is it possible you are depressed, clinically?

Good food, sleep, exercise, affection and sex are helpful and part of good self care.

Community, family, friends, fellowship is important. It’s not so much that it takes a village to raise your kids for you. It takes a village of sorts (intentional, in many cases) to minimize stress, assist the family, provide areas of service and care.

Know and try to accommodate everyone’s extrovert/introvert style.

Finally, and I frankly hope no one reading needs to know this…….If you are consistently unable to enjoy and open up to happiness, look at the larger picture of your life, and the people in it. Look at your health, your marriage, addiction possibilities, abuse issues or unresolved issues from the past.